No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
