Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
