OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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