This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
