It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All the doctor said was why
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
