i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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