Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
