Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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