how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
