i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
