And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
