I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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