Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
