The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
