i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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