I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you. Go after that dick
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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