oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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