Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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