the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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