I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
