I'd wear matching sweaters with you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
