And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
