new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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