Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
