By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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