I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
