So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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