I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
