i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just had sex on a roof
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
