I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
