I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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