Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
