sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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