I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
