i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
