I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
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Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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