i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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