she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
