I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
