Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
