I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
