you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
