I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
