im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
