direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
