you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
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girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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