I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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