my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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