Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We need to rekindle our bromance
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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