I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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