the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize