This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
pray to the hookup gods
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
