K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
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