So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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