Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize