I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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