today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
