Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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