haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
