In the future we'll all be gay
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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