First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
