Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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