I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
