She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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