i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
