the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's the barista slut.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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