I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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