WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
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You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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