I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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