I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
