Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Who died my cat blue again?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
