Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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