Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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